


Code M Alert

by draca (wyvernwolf)



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:35:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernwolf/pseuds/draca
Summary: Eggsy and Roxy learn what has everyone so alarmed when a Code M is issued.





	1. Chapter 1

Medical had been placed on standby with the appropriate restraints at the ready. The rest of Kingsman had been placed on alert with a Code M issued and everyone who hadn’t escaped early had battened down and prepared themselves to weather the oncoming storm as best they could.

Harry was in his office, coordinating the battle plans with Bors and Percival as well as Merlin’s second in command, Morgana.

They had a plan and were implementing it.

They were prepared.

As he spoke to the few brave souls who had remained to hold down the fort in the tech department, Harry took another look at their plans, the despairing faces surrounding him and cursed silently.

They were fucked.

Harry had just hung up the phone after reassuring them again that help was coming when Eggsy and Roxy burst in, both looking frazzled.

“What’s happening? Why did we receive a Code M on our glasses?” Roxy asked.

“What the fuck isa Code M?” Eggsy demanded at the same time.

“We tried to get in touch with Merlin,” Roxy continued and paused when Harry winced and the others present groaned.

Both their eyes widened and Harry noted with approval the determined look that came across both their faces.

“Has something happened to Merlin?” Roxy asked. Her hand hovered over her concealed weapon and she looked prepared to do battle with anyone that got in her way.

“He been kidnapped?” Eggsy said at the same time.

“If only he’d been kidnapped,” Bors muttered behind them. He was nursing a rather nasty looking bruise on his forehead.

Eggsy cocked his head to one side. As far as he knew, Bors was on leave. “What happened to your head, mate?”

Bors shot him a dirty look. “Merlin happened to my head,” he spat out and winced when it aggravated his injury.

Both Roxy and Eggsy looked at him askance.

“Merlin?” They asked in stereo.

Harry leaned against his desk. It had been a long day and after his phone conversation, he was very concerned that there would be a mass exodus of Kingsman tech if the problem wasn’t resolved soon.

“Our esteemed Quartermaster has a cold,” he said tiredly.

It was almost funny how fast they both relaxed.

“Is that all?” Eggsy said with relief. He walked over to Harry, gave him a friendly shoulder bump and dropped into Harry’s chair without so much as a by your leave. “Shove some Lemsip in him, Vicks Vaporub his chest, and maybe his head as well, put him to bed and he’ll be back to his usual grumpy self in no time.”

Harry shook his head. “Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. Sick Merlin is not someone whom should be trifled with.”

Morgana harrumphed. “Sick Merlin is to be avoided at all costs as Sick Merlin turns into a violent, nasty, vile creature.”

“How is that any different from what he’s usually like?” Roxy asked, one elegant eyebrow arched. “And why am I hearing capitals when you call him that?”

“You mean Sick Merlin?”

“Exactly.” Roxy nodded at Percival’s quiet answer.

“Because it deserves capitals. Sick Merlin is even worse than normal Merlin.”

“Case in point,” Bors grunted and pointed at his bruise. “All I did was wish him good morning and he threw his mug at me!”

Eggsy and Roxy exchanged shocked looks.

“He’s also fired half of his department, thrown pens, a box of tissues and a headset at various people and even swore at the tea lady,” Percival recited.

“He swore at Clara?” Eggsy was horrified. “He adores her!”

Harry sighed. “He does. And he’ll be very apologetic afterwards, but right now, he’s worse than a bear with a sore head.”

“That does sound worse than normal,” Roxy said. She walked over to her uncle and took a peek at the tablet in front of him. “I’m guessing then that Code M means Code Merlin and these are the plans on how to deal with him?”

Everyone nodded yet they all still looked rather defeated.

“Why the long faces then?” Eggsy asked as he slowly spun back and forth in Harry’s chair. “You got a plan, shouldn’t you be happy ‘bout that?”

Harry sighed and took his glasses off to rub his eyes. “Yes, we have a plan, but unfortunately, no one dares to beard the lion in its den.”

He leaned over Eggsy and tapped out a few commands on his computer. The large screen on the wall flickered before it brought up the internal security cameras and zoomed in on Merlin’s office.

“Fuck me,” Eggsy breathed out when he saw the scene displayed on the screen.

The room looked like a tissue factory had exploded in it. Merlin’s three wastepaper baskets were overflowing with crumpled tissues and there were piles and piles of them covering every surface. Eggsy squinted and he could even see some soggy ones in the multitude of mugs Merlin had sitting around his office.

It looked like Merlin had barricaded the door too as they could see a haphazard tumble of old computers and monitors piled up in front of it. It didn’t look very secure. Eggsy was pretty sure that even Daisy could push her way in.

The man himself was still seated in front of his monitor wearing what looked like every jumper he owned. He was sniffling and coughing, but still trying to issue orders in a very scratchy voice to whichever poor agent was on the other side.

Roxy looked concerned. “He’s not actually monitoring an agent right now is he?”

Percival patted her on the shoulder. “No. He thinks he is, but it’s really a secret training program Morgana, bless her, came up with the first time we had to deal with Sick Merlin.”

“So there’s no agent? Merlin’s talking to a computer?” Eggsy asked intrigued.

Morgana let out a short snicker. “Your faith in our capabilities are humbling, but no. Our AI isn’t that advanced yet. That’s an agent he’s ordering around.”

Harry smirked. “That’s Agent Tristan. His objective is to keep Sick Merlin occupied until we can get him to Medical. He was assigned as soon as the first signs emerged that Sick Merlin was making an appearance.”

A particularly loud sneeze echoed through the speakers accompanied by much louder nose blowing. It seemed to take forever before Merlin was satisfied and another handful of tissues was tossed on the floor. Everyone in the room looked at each other with varying degrees of revulsion and disgust on their faces.

“So what are we going to do?” Roxy asked and then regretted it when everyone turned to look at her.

“Oh no,” she said, shaking her head furiously when realisation dawned. “I’m not going in there. Merlin wouldn’t listen to me. Anyway, I have a mission tomorrow!” She said triumphantly.

Everyone looked crestfallen for a minute then all heads swivelled to Eggsy who was now leaning back in Harry’s chair and lazily swinging his legs.

It took Eggsy a moment before he realised he had everyone’s attention and he slowly straightened, looking wary. “What you lot looking at?”

Harry hummed and smiled down at him. Like a shark.

“Merlin likes you.”

“Yes,” Percival agreed. “One could say that Eggsy’s his favourite.”

Bors nodded as he swapped his old ice pack for a new one. “He wouldn’t throw a mug at him.”

Eggsy’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, no,” he shook his head. “He likes Rox more!” He said desperately.

“I have a mission tomorrow,” Roxy said gleefully.

“I’ll swap ya,” Eggsy said, throwing her a desperate look.

Roxy shook her head, ponytail bouncing. “The contact will only speak to me.” She shrugged. “Sorry,” she said, not looking sorry at all, the traitor.

“Well, it looks like we have our lion tamer,” Harry said rather too happily for Eggsy’s liking. He patted Eggsy’s shoulder. “You just have to get him to Medical. By  _any_  means necessary. They’ll handle the rest.”

Eggsy’s eyes darted from the bruise on Bors’ head to the screen where Sick Merlin was once again blowing his nose and coughing up what sounded like his lung.

“By any means necessary?” He asked Harry.

“By any means necessary,” Harry confirmed.

“Right.” Eggsy nodded. He turned towards Morgana. “Can you get your hands on that super strong sleeping pill you were working on?”

—

“Right. I can do this,” Eggsy mumbled to himself.

He rubbed first one hand and then the other on his trousers, shifting the cup of hot strong lemon tea laced with twice the number of recommended sleeping pills from one hand to the other as he did so and straightened his shoulders.

A deep breath and he was as ready as he’d ever be.

“Wish me luck, everyone. I’m going in,” he said and knocked on Merlin’s door.


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin surfaced from his cold induced fog with a groan that he felt down to the tips of his toes.

He felt like he’d been mauled by an angry badger and then run over by a car. And since he’d experienced both of these things courtesy of Agent biggest pain-in-my-arse Galahad, he knew what he was talking about.

Keeping his eyes shut, he took stock of himself. There was only that familiar fogginess from the extra strength drugs Kingsman Medical always ended up using on him and under that a faint echo of a headache.

His joints still felt achy, but at least they weren’t screaming at him when he tried to stretch. Tried being the operative word however since his legs and right arm felt like they’d been pinned down. Best of all, he could breathe freely through his nose and it didn’t feel like he was going to cough up a lung anymore.

“Finally awake then, are we?” Came Harry’s much too amused voice and Merlin cringed. He’d never hear the end of this.

“How long?” He rasped out, eyes still shut, and fucking hell his throat felt like it’d been scoured out with sandpaper.

“Six days.” Harry sounded so smug that the temptation to lunge up and plant his fist in the bastard’s face was overwhelming. Merlin restrained himself only because he felt as weak as a newborn baby and he was a hundred percent positive that if he tried anything more than moving his eyeballs, he’d fall arse over tit and give Harry more ammunition to poke him with.

Like he knew what Merlin was thinking, Harry added, “And I wouldn’t move if I were you.”

“Why?” Merlin managed to ask wishing that Harry would break the habit of a lifetime and develop some semblance of bedside manners and bring him a glass of fucking water. Parched did not cover how he felt right now.

“You’ll wake your bedmate.”

“What?!” Merlin jerked completely awake at that, only the fact that Harry had the foresight to plant his hand on Merlin’s chest stopping him from sitting straight up. And now that Harry had pointed it out, Merlin could feel the warm weight by his side.

He finally cracked open his eyes and once they’d stopped watering from the bright lights and he was able to actually see, was rather astounded to see the top of Eggsy’s head resting on his shoulder. This would explain why he felt like his body was weighed down because it literally was.

The boy was curled up around him like an overly friendly octopus, arms tightly wrapped around his chest and their legs so entangled Merlin wasn’t sure which leg was whose.

Eggsy was thankfully asleep. Merlin grimaced when he saw that Eggsy was also drooling onto his shirt. Then he noticed something and with what felt like herculean effort brought up his left hand to brush some of Eggsy’s hair (good God, it felt so soft) out of the way to reveal the slight bruising all around his right eye.

Merlin winced. He had a bad feeling that was his work.

“Yes, you did that,” Harry confirmed cheerfully as he finally, finally, handed a plastic cup of water to Merlin.

Merlin grasped the cup like a drowning man and gulped down the lukewarm water like it was manna from heaven. He didn’t moan as he did this, no matter what Harry would claim later.

“You weren’t very appreciative when you realised he’d spiked your drink. Since you were already weaving like a drunk water buffalo, he was nice enough to let you have one hit before you collapsed.”

Pausing in his drinking, Merlin mouthed drunk water buffalo to himself and as a favour to his sanity, decided not to ask.

“To summarise, he drugged you, you hit him and then you fainted and we were finally able to haul your sorry arse to medical.”

If looks could kill, Harry would have dropped dead from the glare Merlin shot him. As it was, he easily ignored it and continued on in that same cheerful grating voice.

“We of course recorded everything. And don’t bother attempting to delete it. Mordred made sure we have multiple backups, onsite and office,” Harry grinned smugly. “As Arthur, I’ve decided that it’s compulsory viewing for all Kingsman staff. I’m making it one of the training videos. It’s been conditionally titled ‘How to Deal with Sick Merlin’.”

Harry nimbly dodged the empty cup that was thrown at him and laughed then froze, both of them checking to see if Eggsy had woken up.

Eggsy didn’t even twitch, just continued drooling on Merlin.

Merlin only started talking again when he was reassured that Eggsy wouldn’t wake.

“Eggsy?” Merlin asked, pleased to hear that he’d stopped sounding like he’d eaten ground glass.

“Was with you every single minute except for when he escaped long enough to go to clean up and get a bite to eat.”

Harry, the utter bastard, just laughed when Merlin looked at him in horror.

“You moaned and whined and carried on so much when he tried to leave the first time,” Harry explained. “The doctors tried everything, but the only way they could get you to calm down was by having Eggsy climb into bed with you and letting you cuddle up to him.”

Merlin did not whimper. He was a Scotsman and no Scotsman worth his salt would ever whimper. Instead he covered his face with his hand and wished very hard to disappear into the bedcovers.

“Everyone agreed that it was very adorable,” Harry added helpfully.

Merlin just moaned into his hand. Please let him still be asleep and all of this was a horrible drug induced nightmare.

From his position once again sitting elegantly in the chair pulled up to the bedside, Harry pulled a face. “Would you stop making that wretched sound. It’s like listening to a beached whale.”

Merlin removed his hand from his face long enough to show Harry what he thought about that with what he thought was a well-executed gesture.

Harry tutted. “There’s no need to resort to unmannerly behaviour, Merlin. But as you’re still recovering, I’ll let it go,” he said in that grandiose manner that set Merlin’s teeth on edge.

“Why didn’t you warn him?” Merlin asked, ignoring Harry’s attempts at antagonising him.

“Warn him about what?” Harry was being purposely obtuse and if Merlin was feeling better, he’d punch the bastard in his remaining eye.

“That I get a bit,” he waved one hand at his predicament, “when I’m not well.”

“Oh, that you turn into a needy, grumpy, cuddle monster when you’re sick?” Harry asked cheerfully and Merlin really wanted to murder him now.

“That I can sometimes get overly affectionate when I’m unwell,” Merlin corrected him stiffly.

Harry shrugged. “It was unnecessary. Especially considering it achieved the objective.”

“What are you on about, man?” Merlin said tiredly. Exhaustion was starting to creep up on him again and Harry’s obtuse replies where not helping.

“I don’t know why you’re complaining considering the result.” Harry said in a peeved tone.

Merlin just looked at him in bafflement. Maybe Harry was coming down with something as well since he was making utterly no sense whatsoever.

“Eggsy in your bed, of course,” Harry said like it wasn’t the most idiotic thing he’d ever said.

Merlin stared at Harry in horror. Sometimes he wondered about Harry’s sanity.

“What on earth is that supposed to mean?” Merlin hissed. Beside him Eggsy let out a small grumble and shifted closer and Merlin froze. He continued glaring at Harry though and secretly wished that he’d actually been successful in creating implants that would enable the user to shoot lasers out of their eyes. He’d wipe that smug smirk off Harry’s face by setting his suit on fire.

“Now, now, Merlin,” Harry said in an overly loud whisper, “You’re the one who’s been going on and on about Eggsy like a teenager with their first crush.”

“I did not,” Merlin said affronted, fingers itching to wrap his hands around the meddling bastard’s neck.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Oh, Harry,” he said in an atrocious Scottish accent, “you should have seen Eggsy during his mission. He was magnificent. Doesn’t Eggsy have beautiful eyes and did you see how he singlehandedly took out that drug lord? He’s amazing.”

“I do not sound like that,” Merlin said in outrage. He didn’t know whether to be more offended that Harry made him sound like a teenage girl or that he’d absolutely butchered his accent.

Harry waved a hand dismissing Merlin’s objections. “It doesn’t matter. Because look!” He pointed at where Merlin’s right arm was curled around Eggsy’s shoulder, holding him close, his thumb making absent circles on his shirt.

“Mission accomplished!” He smiled proudly and ostentatiously buffed his nails on his suit jacket. “You owe me, old friend.”

It was rare that Merlin was left speechless. This was one of those times. He just stared at his idiotically beaming soon to be ex-best friend and plotted ways to murder him that wouldn’t implicate himself. Bors would help. And he could maybe talk Tristan into assisting as well.

He was about to respond with a particularly scathing retort when the object of their conversation grumbled under his breath, opened one red rimmed eye and glared at them.

“Could you both please shut the fuck up. Some of us are trying to sleep here,” Eggsy mumbled into Merlin’s shoulder, his warm breath sending a pleasant shiver down Merlin’s spine.

When Eggsy ghosted a soft kiss on Merlin’s shoulder, Merlin froze. He was half convinced he was having the best drug induced dream ever. He stared at Harry in mute appeal, hoping he would say something that would tell him if he was still asleep. Harry, the useless arse, did nothing of the sort. Just grinned back at him and waggled his eyebrows in what he obviously thought was a suggestive manner, but looked absolutely ridiculous to Merlin.

Eggsy snuggled in and Merlin couldn’t help the way his arm automatically tightened and pulled the boy closer.

“You and I are gonna have a talk when I wake up, Merls,” Eggsy said, sleepily rubbing his cheek in Merlin’s shoulder. He looked soft and sleep ruffled and Merlin frankly found him adorable. Thank god Eggsy had closed his eyes again or he would have seen how sappily Merlin was gazing at him. Unfortunately, Harry saw, if the mimed gagging was anything to go by. That man really was an overgrown child.

“And Harry?” Eggsy added.

“Yes, Eggsy?” Harry said with that damnable smirk that Merlin was going to happily smack off when he could move again.

“Piss off.”

“With pleasure, Eggsy.”

-Fin-

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [my tumblr](https://moopyloopy.tumblr.com/post/164405950699/sick-merlin-part-2).


End file.
